Mr Potato and Friends

Unlikely Ways

2010-11-26T09:03:00.001-08:00

I have a friend I meet in the pub every Friday night who makes little tin boxes as a job. That’s right: little tin boxes...all day every day, the sum fruit of his day-to-day, nine-to-five existence. Judging by that sentence you’d think he was depressed, right? Sad and annoyed at the world and feeling like he’s in a bit of a rut. Only here’s the thing with this man: he’s perfectly happy with his job, and every day he goes home to his wife and three children and says how good his day is.

Because his job is actually quite good, you see. It’s boring, but not boring enough to kill his brain cells, and this means that while he thinks about each of his little boxes he has space free in his brain to consider all the creative things he likes to do. This means that during the day his brain considers what he will create later on – he like to paint in his free time – and by the time he gets home the idea is fully formed. All he has to do is make it reality.

So you could say he has the work / home-life balance right. He’s happy with where he is, and the irony is that all the people who tend to surround us in the pub – not because we like to be the centre of attention you understand, but because we have a habit of sitting in the middle of the pub – are the unhappy ones. Annoyed with their lives, and without any time to enjoy the money they rake in every month.

I’m not saying that my friends way works for everyone. It doesn’t. But it does work, and it proves that sometimes being happy is born from living life in the most unlikely way.

What's Going On?

2010-11-26T08:59:00.000-08:00

People go on about road rage and say how dangerous a thing that is to succumb to, but few people – at least in my experience – discuss pedestrian rage, yet to my mind it is even more frightening. After all, in a car you’re protected from the outside world by thick glass and even thicker metal, but if you run into trouble while on foot then unless you are very strange and walking around in a suit of armour you are going to feel a lot more vulnerable.

When I came across an extreme bout of road rage the other day – a man in a suit having a go at a woman who was clearly quite shaken – I wasn’t sure what to do. It’s not in my nature to step in and play the big man, you see. I am a passive soul, or what some people (who are wrong I’ll have you know) might otherwise refer to as a “coward” (and they are wrong, you know).

So there I was: finally I had decided to step in because the man was really shouting. Across the road, a man in blue overalls – he was standing in front of a Bedford fuel services van: I had memorized these details just in case I found myself before a judge in a court of law – watched and then he started to cross, coming towards us. I was in luck.

Only I was not in luck. The man in blue overalls started to shout at me and the woman, and it was all a mess. I still had no idea what this woman had done at this time, and then, as I looked at what she was holding and more people came running up behind me shouting “she stole this woman’s bag! Stop her!” I started to get the idea...

There you have it. Sometimes you think it’s a simple case of pedestrian rage and it turns out to be anything but!

Noisy Little Animals Know The Score

2010-10-30T06:43:00.001-07:00

Walking past our local primary school the other day I realised three (probably very obvious) things. 1) You shouldn’t stare at the children because it makes you look more than a bit dodgy and that is never ever good. 2) Being young is approximately three hundred million times better (or infinity, whichever is greater, but somehow three hundred million seems even bigger as it is a real number and infinity is just endless and a bit boring) than being old. 3) The things we used to do as children...Why, exactly, do we suddenly decide that they aren’t fun any more and start doing lots of other things which are more adult, yes, but also very dull? Who knows, I am yet to find someone expert enough in the field to answer my question. (There was a four but I thought this wasn’t quite so important so put it in brackets: 4) uk teaching jobs look really demanding. I’m not sure I would want to be in charge of those noisy little animals...)

This is why I posed a question at the pub the other day: “why don’t we all do some painting at the weekend guys?” I said, with enough enthusiasm to beat the loud awful music into getting their attention. “I mean, why don’t we?”

Then they started to mock, calling me an idiot, and a drunk idiot at that. Which was true: I was indeed drunk, but they were missing the point. So I explained further. Said about how I had had this epiphany and realized that there are loads of fun things we used to do but just don’t any more. And soon I started to get convertees: people came to my side of the table and pondered this with great thought again.

Then someone three their drink at me and everyone laughed. Hahaha.

But still, it was worth a go I think. And I’ll keep trying too, because I see no reason why us adults can’t have as much fun as them kids.

Honesty: When And When Not To Use It

2010-10-30T05:54:00.001-07:00

Growing up, I was confused: often I was told that “honesty is the best policy” and then, when I would be honest about something – often brutally so, like the time I asked the Asbestos Survey man if we would die from inhaling it, and he said "perhaps" – I would be told: “that saying doesn’t apply in that context, silly”. This got me thinking about all kinds of other things, like what other sayings there were that could be easily misinterpreted. They were troublesome years, as I got to know what I could and couldn’t say, and I offended people on a daily basis with my comprehensive honesty that left no stone unturned...

I recall one particularly devastating memory – devastating not for me in any way, at least until I understood the mental torture I had put the person through – of a hairdresser coming to cut my hair at home (she would come to my home because it was another way of keeping me in the house so I couldn’t be honest at a whole load of people who I otherwise would do). She walked in, her hair was sticking up a mess everywhere, and I said, “I know it’s supposed to look good, but it looks utterly rubbish, doesn’t it? Is that the look you were going for? The utterly rubbish look?” This sent the hairdresser packing before she could get within six feet of my hairy scruffy head.

So that was a problem, and mum sat me down and told me never to comment on how other people looked. Which was why I took it to heart. The next time we were walking down the street I said to someone in a wheelchair “I would comment about how you don’t have a right leg, but I was told never to, as it would hurt that person’s feelings, have a nice day”. Suffice to say after that we had to have a big serious conversation to make sure that I didn’t alienate our family from the entire village.

I Embrace

2010-10-19T06:12:00.001-07:00

Casually surfing the internet the other day, looking at such things as jewellery online (that was the name of the site) and wondering about the lives of the wife’s of men who went out and got the little diamonds that made up much of this impressive site’s content, I said OH MY GOODNESS I AM BORED! The thing is, you see, that I don’t even LIKE jewellery. In fact I never have. I don’t own any, wouldn’t know a good bit from bad, and don’t have any friends or colleagues who regularly wear the stuff. Yet there I was, really quite bedazzled by everything jewellery online had to offer. It was tragic: finally I was resorting to upper class (but well designed, I must say) jewellery sites to get my kicks!

But hold on there pal, I thought, maybe this isn’t so bad. Just maybe, who knows? Hmm. Maybe there is something here that can be salvaged, mentally, and perhaps not each and every one of my brain cells are done for (just most of them...). So I switched off the computer, and you know what I did? Nothing is what. Absolutely nothing whatsoever at all in any way, for a good ten minutes. I embraced my boredom karma, and I lay on the couch staring up at the ceiling imagining reaching the summit of mount Everest or what it would be like to actually wrestle a tiger, and I mean ACTUALLY, as though me and it were locked in a fierce embrace and only one of us could survive (and the tiger was annoyed, so this added to the dramatic shouting of all the terrified and enthralled onlookers).

Go on, have some of it, embrace the boredom. It can be fun!

It is up to individuals to save the environment, not governments

2010-07-30T02:59:00.001-07:00

I fully agree with this post that while the Copenhagen Summit brought widespread international awareness of the economic benefits of energy-efficiency, it fell short on achieving its key objectives.

The most important steps that we must take include working together as individuals to achieve results. It is amazing the difference that just one person can have on the environment. Think of a situation where there is a long traffic jam in the middle of a large city. There are hundreds of motorists stranded on a jam-packed motorway, unable to move anywhere. There may have been a major car crash which leads to endless delays and even has a knock-on effect on the surrounding traffic in the area. The delays are so vast that many people are unable to get to work and the local economy loses tens of thousands of pounds. These motorists keep their car engines turned out throughout the traffic jam, thereby emitting higher levels of CO2 into the atmosphere. However, if each motorist had turned their car engine off during that same traffic jam, the CO2 emissions for that day, in that particular area, would have been significantly reduced.

In addition, if some of those motorists had used the train or had taken the bus to work, this would have reduced CO2 emissions. However, in reality there are still countless situations taking place every day in all countries where the opportunities to restrict our carbon emissions simply aren’t sought. All that is required is to take steps as individuals to protect our environment by remembering to use our energy responsible and to minimise our own personal contribution to the environmental problems we face.

Are you itching to win?

2010-06-21T01:35:00.001-07:00

We’ve seen many weird traditions including cheese rolling and maypole dancing. Clearly some people prefer to gain some publicity by taking part in the most strangest traditions rather than do something more useful like creating a Hair loss medication . However one country has created a new sport which has is its competitors literally itching to win.

According to this article in Yahoo News, a competition has debuted this year in Estonia has thirty seven participants in the city of Tartu in a field where they are given ten minutes to catch as many mosquitoes as they can. This strange contest was launched to deal with the massess of mosquitos in Estonia. The organiser of the event, Triinu Akkermann said "We have many mosquitoes and we must fight them somehow, so we decided to organise a mosquito-catching championship."

One of the competitors, Jevgeny Serov devised a strategy to attempt to win the contest. He said "We will warm up so we will start sweating a little then I will stand with bare hands and feet and my wife and daughter will pick mosquitoes off me."

However his plan hadn’t been the most successful as the first prize was awarded to Rauno Luksepp. The winning score was 38 mosquitoes with a lot of biting in the process, which won him a sailing trip on the Estonia’s Lake Peipus.

In addition to this strange nature of the sport, the competition rules do not state whether the mosquitos caught have to be dead or alive. Furthermore, competitors were allowed to work alone or in teams.

Smashing Fun

2010-05-28T07:28:00.001-07:00

I have a friend called Darryl; he’s always relaxed and doesn’t seem to know the meaning of the word “stress”. He’s also a picture framer by trade, and an all-around good bloke. Kind and passive and an old romantic, up until last week I had always put him down to be the kind of person who wouldn’t hurt a fly and who spent his time doing yoga. How I was wrong.

I arrived at his door to find him sporting a menacing grin.

“Everything alright mate?” I said, noticing some nasty skin lesions on his right arm. “Why are you grinning so menacingly? How did you get them?”

He smiled. “Yes old chap, and you will soon see, I need to be more careful in future! You want to come and see what I’ve been doing? Maybe you could use it.”

I said I wasn’t convinced I did want to, actually, and that I did not want cuts on my arm or anywhere. He shrugged this off and asked me to follow him upstairs, said that soon I would be completely relaxed. We arrived outside the room which I had never been in. The secret room where I assumed he stored his picture frames. Relaxed was the last thing I was feeling.

“Now, I am about to let you in on a big secret, ok?” he said. “Do you think you can keep it? I mean, I wouldn’t want everyone knowing how I stay so passive.”

I said I would keep it, of course. And so we entered.

Inside it was completely empty. Except for a shelf with piles and piles of plates on. He grabbed one and threw it at the wall, and it exploded with a deafening crash!

“You have a go!” he said.

I said “why?”

He said, “you’ll see!”

I had a go, and I did. Smashing plates was fantastic for letting off steam! After we’d each done about twenty or so, I felt like a new man!

Face It

2010-05-10T08:32:00.001-07:00

I have been afraid of birds of prey all my life; I know about as much about them as I do about breast uplift surgery. It’s for good reason, of course. Look them up on the internet if you need some reassurance (birds, I mean, not breasts). I suggest a nice close-up shot of a malicious beak and those terrible, evil eyes. Anyone who says that birds of prey are majestic and wonderful creatures clearly has something wrong with them: they are nothing but evil! I know this because I recently underwent a horrific experience with a number of them. Yes, I said a number. One would have been enough but no, I had to deal with ten.

It was my friend’s idea. He wanted to scare me out of my phobia, but sadly it had the opposite effect.

We arrived at the garden centre early. There was to be a The Majestic birds of prey sort of gathering, and members of the public would be allowed near enough to the evil ones to touch them.

Oh God.

“You sure about this?” I said. “I mean, they look bloody vicious.”

The first bird of prey handler man called over, “want to meet my hawk? His name’s Barry and he’s usually very gentle and loving.”

“Usually–” I groaned. “I can’t believe I’m doing this–”

We went over. I was quivering like a great big nervous wreck.

“Want to hold Barry?” asked the man.

“I don’t know,” I replied. “Does Barry want to be held? He looks like he quite likes your arm so why unsettle him?”

Before I knew it Barry was making a b line for my face, his great big yellow jaws opening around my nose.

“Well I’ve never seen that before!” said the handler once I’d stopped shaking and could just about stand up. “Well, I’m sure it was a one-off”.

Except it wasn’t. Clearly Barry had told the others to get me. Again and again it happened, until I was shaken and in a bad way.

My advice? Don’t face your fears, because they will be quite fine on their own.

Jed's Harsh Lesson

2010-04-15T08:46:00.001-07:00

Cycling-shorts: ever since I started using them to ride back and forth to work, people have mocked me. They look rubbish, they say, or They make you look like a shrink-wrapped rat, they say, when it’s been raining (and I have to admit I do resemble a shrink-wrapped rat).

But here’s the thing: I don’t care, because they protect my legs and make the ride comfortable. My friend Jed (who works for breast uplift UK, he wanted me to shamelessly plug) knows this now. He found out the hard way, after challenging me to a high-speed ride to work, him wearing jeans and me wearing my trusty cycling shorts.

Jed is one of those people who thinks he’s better at everything, you see. Jed doesn’t care about logic or anything; his pride does the talking, and when it comes to challenges there’s a hell of a lot of it.

I should also point out that Jed hadn’t ridden a bike in years when he set me this challenge. Even so, when he donned his trusty steed he seemed ridiculously over-confident. He swore blind that he would be fine in his jeans, even though it had started to rain.

The ride went well, and, staggeringly, Jed and his massive ego was impressive: Jed powered on, faster than me for most of the way (I let him, of course) and I only decided to thrash him on the last hundred metres. At the finishing line I waited for him to arrive, only something was wrong...In the distance I could see him walking next to his bike looking more like John Wayne than John Wayne.

When I arrived he didn’t look happy.

“What’s wrong, Jed?” I asked him.

He shook his head and peeled down his jeans.

“Now hang on a minute mate, what are you–” and before I could say anymore there it was, a massive blister on the inside of Jed’s leg. Not a blister, in fact. It was more like a pouch–

The moral of this story should be clear: don’t mock people with cycling shorts because you will live to regret it.

Free Advice?

2010-04-11T07:56:00.001-07:00

Advice is a hard thing to get for free. For example, you can be reasonably sure that there will be a substantial difference in the time of your arrival if you ask one person how to get somewhere and offer no cash reward, and another person a massive cash reward. You can be certain that the second man / woman will think a bit more and spend more time working out a decent route for you. And it’s the same with everything, if you want good advice or if you want good anything, chances are that you’ll be paying something for it.

Or will you? In the case of Enigin – the energy solution people who you should already be aware of if you’re not – you won’t necessarily be paying anything for it. Giving advice about how to save energy and energy saving products is one of their priorities, you see, and at the link you’ll find out their personal take on the matter:

And you’d think that there’s a catch, wouldn’t you? It’s only natural to assume so, and in a way I suppose there is, but it’s only a small one. For example, if you have a genuine need for energy-saving in your household or business then I’m sure Enigin will be only too happy to help you in any way they can. Alternatively you could just send them an email and see, even if you’re not intending on purchasing anything. I’d be shocked if they didn’t write back to you quickly with some kinds of words of wisdom. That’s just the kind of company they are. So why not try them out? You might end up really benefiting. Many people already have, so why shouldn’t you?

Too Happy

2010-03-30T05:55:00.001-07:00

Happy adverts get right on my nerves. What’s going on with them? I mean–Super-duper happy faces are the last thing I want to see after an average-to-rubbish day–I understand that probably not as many people would rush out to the shops if they saw a moany-faced person moaning on TV, but come on, we need to find a happy medium...

I wouldn’t mind, only it’s just so over-the-top. You have people smiling their heads off at the prospect of buying paper plates, then you have people who jump for joy when they see that Tampons have been reduced by 10 pence. Then you have young children who can’t wait to learn all about the most economical kerosene suppliers ...And that’s not even including all the ridiculous holiday advertisements out there. And we haven’t even got to the pinnacle yet–

Yes, I am talking about those annoying happy adverts about Bingo. In one particular advert, a good-looking woman in her twenties–Someone I have never seen entering my local bingo hall–runs up and down a street over and over again, just to get her Bingo fix! And the conclusion? Well, she finds out she can do it online, doesn’t she. Cue the end shot where she’s at home on her computer, smiling in a way that just doesn’t look normal–

What’s next? Who knows. It’s impossible to guess. Just when you think you’ve seen it all another daft idea is thrust in our faces. Give us some good adverts for once, will you?

All The Difference

2010-03-30T05:54:00.001-07:00

Blogs really are crucial to running a business. And they have been on the rise for a while: it’s impossible to guess how many there are out there, but it’s safe to say that they are in no danger of going away soon.

Which can only be a good thing.

But something that people often get confused about—both those running businesses and those seeking service from them—is the difference between web-sites and blogs: the advantages to each, and their strengths and weaknesses. And it’s actually very simply, really. A web-site is more a place which offers services and prices and company information, while a blog is a constant stream of new information where you can find out exactly what is going on, usually from an employees point of view, or sometimes, a managing director’s.

One company who do the whole blogging thing really well are energy-saving geniuses Enigin. You can see what a great blog looks like at the link.

Blogs, especially for energy-saving companies, are crucial. With so much information (and misinformation) floating about, a blog is essential to give updates and constantly redefine what is and isn’t correct about climate change. And with the opinion of scientists'appearing to change daily, we need all the help we can get to unravel the truth. But blogs aren’t only for giving updates, they also offer a solid portal in to the everyday running of a company. By visiting the blog you feel as though you are to some extent involved. And when you are involved then you are more likely to keep going back, meaning that you learn more about the important things and then you can pass that information on to others.

Make A Stand

2010-03-24T09:28:00.001-07:00

I can’t eat Spaghetti Bolognese. It isn’t the sauce that’s the problem, and I don’t have an allergy, its not even because the only way to keep clean while eating it is practically wearing beach towels. It’s merely a conscious decision on my part: because I am hardcore. I can eat any other type of pasta, but when faced with this manky stuff I start to seize up and sweat. Don’t tell me I’m the only person who feels this way! I know it’s a classic, and I know that the effect of this post on an Italian could be disastrous, both physically and emotionally, but It needs to be said! Spaghetti is annoying. Just how did the inventor of it expect us to enjoy eating it?

Here’s my point: imagine if any other food was made so hard to eat: like miniature sandwiches. Imagine the outcry at building sites all over the world as grown men with hands the size of dinner plates were expected to eat sandwiches designed for mice? And then consider what would happen if someone decided to take the air out of Aeros–we simply wouldn’t stand for this! So how come spaghetti gets to be different from the rest, hu? Why should spaghetti get the special treatment when every other food has to be governed by the strict rules of common sense?

Catch my drift?

That’s why, when I was eleven, I boycotted spaghetti and haven’t looked back since. Did I regret it? No I did not. It made my life quicker, simpler, and altogether less painless. It made me embarrassed at a few dinner parties, but that’s beside the point. You can’t just go changing your game plan when things get tough. Sticking to your guns is all part of the deal: either stick to your guns or go to the dark-side people. Seriously, it’s your choice, but I do hope you know what you’re doing!

No More Please!

2010-03-23T02:27:00.001-07:00

Those two words have the capacity to strike fear in to even the most hardened filmgoer’s heart. Forget the nastiest horror films, slow motion is more sinister by a mile. Personally I despise it. I’d rather watch Gone With The Wind on repeat for the rest of my life than be subjected to another appalling piece of slow motion committed to film.

I thought I was safe. I thought it could only get me while I was at the cinema or upon accidentally putting the wrong DVD in to the player. But the people behind this awful slow motion conspiracy are clever. They know that slow motion, if it is to eventually succeed as the most annoying visual thing ever, needs to get in to our daily lives. Cue Masterchef. That’s right, it’s made it on to every day TV. Not only every day TV but popular TV. There truly is no escape–

What do I have against slow motion you ask? Now I’d like to ask you a question: how long have you got? I could list a hundred reasons but we’d be here all day. Instead I shall state just one: It drags out moments of happiness / sadness, thus multiplying the effect by ten. What’s more you get far too long to look at the actor / actress, or, in the case of Masterchef, the annoyingly elated person who has just won the round. And while you do so you end up thinking all kinds of things, such as she could really do with some mole removal. Which is something nobody wants to think about...

Breeders

2010-03-22T06:29:00.000-07:00

A certain type of people are out there, out in the broad open daylight, and they are watching. They are, of course, those people who walk as if they have massive helium balloons attached to their shoulders at all times and they have nothing in the world to bother them and are the happiest people ever. And the worst part? It’s always the larger people who walk in this swaggering, aggravatingly smug way! It’s never the little people, oh no. And the second from worst thing is that they are usually walking slower than everyone else–as if to rub salt in to the wound and say “Look how light on my feet I am, not bad eh? Look at you, all sinking in to the ground and rubbish!”

OK, I understand this is quite an obscure grudge to bear with humanity, but everyone needs a grudge, don’t they? “A life lived without a good grudge”, as a wise man once said, “is not a life lived at all!”

I think the reason I have this grudge is because I don’t have any other grudges. I have, you see, this very upsetting (to other people) ability to not be frustrated with anything. Take last week for example, when my cat fell out of the window and died there and then: I wasn’t particularly grudge-bearing towards the fact that I had lost a life-long friend. No, I simply said, “shouldn’t leave the window open like that, oh dear” and got on with my day. Because of this the grudge I bear against those who walk as if with helium balloons attached is growing steadily, daily, in to a behemoth. And for that reason I must run as fast as I can whenever I see someone, anyone, walking or standing and holding a balloon or three. Because these people are even worse, especially those who are holding ten or more. With their feet being lifted from the ground ever so slightly, I find I must run or face the music, and scream!

I was doing some stuff online last week and I came across a webpage covering microdermabrasion treatment. I would like to point out that this is something I have never even ponder before this moment, but looking at it I can’t help but want to try it

Hoodies! But What Is The Answer?

2010-03-17T06:16:00.000-07:00

Last week I saw a certain celebrity on TV. I will not name her, but I will tell you that she is a member of a certain band that is not Boys Aloud, and that her name rhymes with Pole and she is married to a footballer whose first name rhymes with Pashley. Anyway, there she was looking all make-upped up and fancy and what was she wearing? Yes people: a hoody on top of her head! She was at some kind of celebrity party wearing this thing which made her look slightly out of place and a little bit dirty, like some kind of posh beautiful witch who had wandered in off the street. I started to wonder if she’d got an ASBO recently, and if that was why she had adopted the street-corner-what-you-lookin’-at? look. I couldn’t think of any other explanation for her to don a hoody.

With celebrities wearing such things, what hope have the youth of today got for fitting in and being accepted as decent members of society? They can’t win! First they are told not to wear the hoody in a public place, and then they see a celebrity on TV wearing the exact same thing. You can’t blame them for being confused and doing what they aren’t supposed to, can you? No. If you look back through time you’ll find a long history of children / teenagers doing the exact opposite of what they should be, which is they way nature intended, of course. And without this rebellious attitude chances are attitudes wouldn’t change, and humans would still be the same in a hundred years as they are right now. The Fact is this: not doing what you should is part of society’s progression. It’s part of the punk-rock culture, part of fighting against the machine, and part of evolving and constantly changing.

One last thing, I need to brag a little bit. I have just bought the most delightful newton running shoes that I have ever owned. Boston Marathon, here I come!

Not A One Trick Pony

2010-03-09T04:09:00.001-08:00

That link made me smile. Why so? If you’re smiling then you should know. If you’re the non-smiling kind—a traffic-warden on his / her day off, Inland Revenue advisor or heavily pregnant woman, perhaps—then I shall tell you what makes the rest of the world smile. It’s the fact that Enigin not only talk about money and energy-saving stuff, all of which is obviously extremely valuable, but about design, art, and generally creating things. This is what we need more of. So many companies are so busy bombarding us with facts and information that they forget: most people, although having an interest in all the eco-stuff, like a bit of something nice looking to look at. So the Enigin Design site is one of the best. Souped-up in sexy black and pink, it’s ahead of the others. The difference between boring old lingerie, saggy and lifeless, and pert, quality lingerie that makes a man go Grrrrrr!

The Enigin Design site is more than just looks, of course. It’s the place to go to learn about all the aesthetic stuff, but also about the stuff the company does—all from the perspective of a company designer.

The above link leads to an article on computers, and how their fancy screens and powerful inners can generate enough heat to warm a small room. The Enigin dudes and dude-ets are looking at this, and with any luck they will come up with an excellent solution pretty soon, that’s unless they’ve already thought of it and are in the process of ironing out the fine details.

Ultimatum

2010-02-22T03:04:00.000-08:00

Robert Ludlum, what a man: a theatre actor, producer and playwright until forty years of age, he just decided, there and then, that he wasn’t satisfied and he wanted to write incredible novels which would kick the butt of pretty much anything at the time (he was, for some time, the number one best-selling author in the world). So that was what he did—and with avengeance. Ludlum wrote over twenty best-selling novels, and it all started at the beginning with the one and only The Bourne Identity. The film that finally breathed some much needed air into a rapidly tiring genre–

I wasn’t expecting to have to make this decision when I awoke this morning; David Spaulding from The Rhinemann Exchange or Jason Bourne from Identity–

What’s funny is that most people, in my experience, tend to associate with Jason Bourne, when he’s certainly the stranger of the two men: for example, Bourne doesn’t know his own name, whether he likes jam or marmite for breakfast, but he can beat the living daylights out of anyone without a second thought, and with both hands tied behind his back. How many of your friends fit that description?

And here’s another one: Jason Bourne or James Bond? That’s a tough one: gadget wise it’s an unfair fight, since Bond’s upper class and Jason Bourne’s practically a gadget pauper, but fight wise I think Bourne would have it.

Now for a huge question: who will be the next secret agent to step up to this elite level? What with Bourne having covered the amnesiac angle and Bond the techno equation, what else is there left?

Whatever it may be, I’m betting that Ludlum’s already written it. Who knows...maybe it’ll be a woman next time, and that would make a nice change.

Nerd Tastic: Gosh, thanks Napoleon!

2010-02-12T08:00:00.001-08:00

At school I was a bit of a nerd. Shock horror! Actually, quite a lot of a nerd (that depends on who you ask and if you can here what they’re saying through all the laughter). The only saving grace was that I wasn’t strawberry haired, fortunately—because unless you were a good looking girl with that deep red hair and long legs and an ample bust for an excuse then you had ginger abuse coming pretty much from every angle, if I remember rightly—but I knew how the strawberry haired ones felt, oh yes sir. I could empathize with their plight.

Years passed. I grew out of my nerdy-ness and joined the ranks of older, more civilized humans, of which there are many varieties more disturbing to look at than me--In my humble opinion--and I seem to manage a lot better as a part of.

I forget when it was it happened, exactly, but during my wild-goose-chase transition to adulthood, when my nerdy-ness could still be seen from outer-space, a film came along that was a revelation: just when I was starting to think that there was no hope for me in this time of super cool kids who knew good music and were good at sports to the point of inducing vomiting fits, Napoleon Dynamite comes along! Watching it again a year or so ago made me think that we could be in for a nerd revolution–

As it happened it wasn’t so much a revolution as a minor tea party. But never mind, that’s better than nothing: us nerds and post-nerds need to take all that we can get!

If only the revolution would have come fifteen years earlier then my school days may have been spent nabbing the best looking nerd chicks and being picked second from last in P.E. But never-mind; should I ever be lucky enough to find someone to reproduce with, at least they’ll be able to benefit. Because unless a miracle takes place, my child is sure to a nerd–

Saying that, all of us nerds need to stick together, so if you looking for another blog like this to read, I have found one called enigin geek. Looking at all of this crazy cool energy saving technology, totally interesting!

The Loneliest Time Of Year

2010-02-08T05:10:00.000-08:00

It was not a good day for me yesterday. I spent half an hour trailing around a supermarket looking for those magical yellow stickers that signify when an item has reached its sell-by-date and has been reduced to sell. I had finally filled my basket with a weeks shopping (I live alone so I don’t need one of those unsteerable trolleys) and made my way to the head of a seemingly interminable queue.

The woman behind the counter looked disinterested as she scanned my sad list of items and threw them listlessly towards the carrier bags: a steak pie, microwavable carbonara, ready meals for one, a can of lynx deodorant, oven chips, an apple (I do like to take the healthy option wherever possible), four cans of own brand lager, a Jackass DVD reduced to £3. She looked up at me briefly and then said in her flat, northern tones: "You’re single aren’t you?", I was impressed at her observational powers and so replied: "Yes I am! You worked that out just from my shopping list?" "No", she replied, "it’s because you’re ugly." Her casual disdain roused my fire a bit and so I asked for her telephone number. It was at that point that I thought she was going to hit me. You have to keep trying in the dating game, kiss enough frogs and you will find a princess so they say: the problem occurs when even the frogs won’t kiss you.

Having finally packed all of my shopping I reached into the pocket for my debit card only to find a heart sinking void. "I’m afraid I’ve come out without any money" I mumbled before slouching away despondently, waving goodbye to my shopping and my dignity. On the way out of the supermarket, with my hands as empty as my pockets, I saw them: Valentine’s Day cards!

For those of us who live on our own the big VD (as I like to call it) is a miserable, lonely time of year. Of course ’Valentine’s Day’ is a misnomer as the build up to it lasts for at least a month to fill the void between Christmas and New Year cards and Easter eggs. Soon, all the aisles will be filled with fluffy pink things and comilation CD’s containing a selection of saccharine three minute monstrosities that will never be played again after February. Restaurants are currently going into overdrive advertising their Valentine’s Specials (the ’special’ bit being the same meals but at twice the price). On the day itself, previously sane newspapers will fill their pages with messages saying how much smodge pea loves his chuckle bum. People will walk around with a dewy look in their eyes and a forced half smile on their lips. It all makes me sick to be frank!

My VD experience will consist of trying to avoid couples like the plague, waiting for the postman to deliver an inflated gas bill and a begging letter from a charity or two, and then later visiting my mother to be asked hopefully whether I received any cards this year? The evening will be spent watching Top Gear and losing badly to a chess computer.

Last year I did actually manage to secure a date for Valentine’s Day. She brought a friend along. And then complained that the food was cold. And then went shopping. For cleaning products.

When you are single in your twenties people feel a bit sorry for you, they may even try to fix you up on a date with an equally hapless friend. When you are single in your thirties, however, it’s a whole different ball game. People generally think that you are a loner, a potential serial killer; they rush their children passed your house and whisper darkly. People tend to flinch when you smile at them in the streets.

Anyway, to be honest, I prefer to be single at Valentine’s Time. At least I can be sure that I will be spending money on somebody who loves me for myself: that’s me of course! To all you lovers out there I say go ahead, enjoy yourself, just keep out of my way while you’re doing it. On second thoughts I might just hibernate throughout February, all this love in the air is making me ill!

'Crass In The Attic'.

2010-01-18T02:25:00.001-08:00

Have you ever sat and watched ‘Cash in the Attic’? I’ve never gone out of my way to see it but I have caught a bit of it a few times.

The thing which always intrigues me about the show is the ‘ordinary’ people that it centres around. How many folk do you know who would have really valuable antiques ‘kicking around’ in their homes?

When it all starts, the host of the programme will go round to someone’s house and see what items they have that are viable for selling at auction. These poor, desperate families need to get rid of their valuables to pay for that all important skiing trip.

‘Oh, here is a vase from the late sixteenth century. That may fetch a few quid.’

‘Yes, John and I bought that from a really quaint little junk shop in Bognor Regis last year for 50p.’

It’s all a bit contrived. Isn’t it?

If I wandered around my friends homes then I would not stumble across anything of great value. People these days are pretty clued in when it comes to what things are worth. If anyone has something then they will stick it on eBay.

Maybe I should have a look around each of my rooms to see if there is anything worth taking to auction...

‘Oooo, look at this original Tutankhamen death mask that I had in the back of my medicine cabinet. I don’t even remember where I got it from... It may have already been here when I moved in.’

‘My, my! I had completely forgotten all about this cutlery set I had. It is done in a stunning Rococo Revival style. I wonder if it’s valuable...’

So, go and have a scrabble around in your cupboard under the stairs. You never know what you might find...

The Forum Where A Plan Comes Together

2010-01-05T08:23:00.001-08:00

Who is old enough and sad enough to remember The A Team? Well, to begin with there are the people on this A Team forum... and me! It was all very, very silly but it was a lot of fun, wasn’t it? Within weeks of it first being shown on British television, children all over the country were going around playgrounds doing impersonations of Mr T’s, ‘Hey, Sucker!’.

Thinking about it all now I can see how utterly ridiculous the whole programme was; no-one ever got hurt, even though there were thousands of gunshots fired in every episode. I can remember one story in particular where The A Team were standing on a boat. The ‘baddies’ were also on a boat and the two crafts passed within a few feet of each other. During this close encounter everyone present on both vessels was standing on deck with an Uzi. Even then, no-one got hurt; not so much as a flesh wound!

The other really dumb thing was when The A Team decided to ‘make’ something. They’d go into a shed containing a rusty handsaw, a bag of flat head screws and a broken light bulb only to emerge later on (normally about five minutes) with a tank that they had thrown together. H’mmm.

Yes, it is very easy to poke fun at it all but the thing is that it was incredibly popular. There is still a part of me that thinks back on it all with a little fondness. In those days you always knew if someone was a bad guy because he’d be driving a black car. Goodies didn’t have black cars; it just wasn’t cricket.

As this forum proves, I am not the only one to have happy memories of The A Team.

Brad and Angelina's Big Concern.

2009-10-22T04:51:00.000-07:00

It amuses me when I discover something like this. Here I was, happily reading this blog when I suddenly learnt that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are extremely worried about where they are going to be buried.

Have people like this not got anything more worthwhile to worry about? All the rest of us are concerned with matters which precede death. Perhaps Brad and Angelina have got a bit too much time on their hands–

Surely we should concentrate on the here and now rather than what happens to our remains. Go on Angelina, drop the morbid discussions and start talking like a normal couple, go on and figure out which kerosene supplier is the cheapest for your next trip to adopt a child!

There are other things to dwell on that are a little less self-obsessed.

A Minor Look at Some of the Teams Playing in Cleveland

2008-10-27T04:10:00.000-07:00

As I have seen with Cleveland sports in the big ones, while the team is good, it sure does seem like a team that cannot play under pressure. Sure, you have seen good teams - but never great. The only way to become great would be to win it all. They have way too many wrinkles on the Browns in order to be successful. The same can be said for the Indians and the Cavs. Right now things are just going to be getting started so we do not know if they can break through and win a championship. Currently, there hasn’t been a major sports title since 1964 though if you wish to get technical, the drought ended in 1994!

A small team that very few has ever really talked about would be the Cleveland Crunch, whom became the second Cleveland Force franchise and won three championships in the NPSL in the following years: 1994, 1996, and 1999. Earlier this year another small team that very few ever talk about, the Cleveland City Stars of the USL Second Division won the league title therefore showing that not all Cleveland teams will fold under pressure. When I saw that happen, I was stunned and was thinking how did I miss that and I’m usually on top of things Cleveland sports wise.

The Cleveland Indians have to rebound for 2009 because honestly it is getting tiresome seeing this team come up short every single year hearing the same old cliché of “there’s always next year.” It gets to a point where you want to mute it out but you cannot. There is also the option of saying it isn’t very creative and it isn’t.

Cleveland has to do something about the Browns and their injuries problem. I swear this team has to be one of the most injury-riddled franchises I have ever seen. I am not kidding when I say this. I hope it can be fixed and they can become not only a healthy team but a team that can actually get to the Super Bowl along with winning it.

Planning My Future

2008-10-20T01:35:00.000-07:00

The day is going along and I’m sitting back thinking about everything I had accomplished. These last three years have removed some doubt because of being able to find some work. Even if it is small and even ifit involves not leaving the house to be able to work it is worth it honestly. With some people having to sell a home, I wonder what could I do and what could I find to make some money? So far, it is a struggle to win in the end but it is slowly working out. All that needs to happen would be much more consistent online work.

It is a goal and would like to make it a regular income thatis steady and strong. With it, I would be able to pay bills and not have to travel so much. Even though gas is down, I fear that it will return to high prices because oil companies will want a larger profit but that is just my personal opinion. If you do not agree, that is fine. I digress but would like to focus on what the plans will be for the future.

For the following year, it will be about continuing to build a foundation through patience, trial, and tribulation. To make more on a regular basis than I had done so in the previous year. It will always be a never-ending process to try and do better the next year. The goal is to be at a level that is going to be exciting and yet rewarding at the same time. Doing work online is something I am doing and it is going to become a rewarding experience if you give it a fair chance.

I will continue to do writing projects and of course building web sites and also, if need be, fixing them so that they can function better than they do at this point. In a sense, it is a positive venue and can be rewarding if you can earn a very strong steady income. My goal is to do that and be at a point where I would need not worry about any bills being unpaid losing electricity, Internet, water, and gas of course.

I will be attempting in the near future to give some ideas on what you can do to get some work online so that you will not have to sell your home. I assure you that you will not have to worry about having to sell property if you work hard during these difficult times.

Amil Shah Does Glasses not Guns

2008-09-24T03:31:00.001-07:00

I love the internet and what it can do to people. How we appear directly affects how we are treated. How we are treated affects how we feel and hold ourselves. How we feel in turn affects how we perform, how well we do not just at work, but in life generally. This is a short story about one of the friends of Mr Potato who has been affected in this way. His name (Amil Shah) will of course (Amil Shah) remain anonymous. AMIL SHAH!

So Amil Shah googled his name the other day, and expected to find some stuff about him coming up, perhaps an embarrassing photo from when he was a student, or even something that a friend had written on the wall of facebook that he really didn't want anyone to read. To his horror instead of this happening, he found an article (in first position) appearing from the independent news paper talking about him involved in fights with the Taliban! There was an entire section about how the war was going, it even mention he-that-shall-not-be-named in person! Now to be honest with you, probably no one is going to take this the wrong way. No one would mind, and certainly no one in this country would care. The thing is about how it made him feel.

Because of the nature of the article, it made Amil feel uncomfortable What if an important client, or potential customer read it? People can be really funny about these things. So for the rest of the day he wasn't as on form as he could have been – thus the effect became real. Due to the fact that he felt affected, he was affected by it. Ironically if Amil had just ignored it, he would have had a good day and never thought about it again.

So why am I writing this? Well, I've been told that if 10 people place a link to this webpage with the words "Amil Shah" in blue (like I have above to somewhere else), then when people google his name, instead of the article about the Taliban coming up, this article will come up instead! So if you want to help Mr Potato out, please give us a link to this page with the words "Amil Shah", and Mr Potato and Amil will both be grateful.

Now someone has already done this and emailed me, so to say thanks I would like to do a shout out to these guys who run corporate events in London. I know them because we went to one of their photography events and they were just great! So feel free to check them out! (and that is their website pluged!)

2008-03-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

Grand Theft Auto IV is coming soon, and I'm really looking forward to it.
You play Niko Bellic, an Eastern European ex-military, who is lured to America by his cousin, with promises of mansions, fast cars, and wealth beyond compare.

The action takes place in the fictional Liberty City, a sprawling metropolis that game designers Rockstar North modelled closely on New York. For the graphical elements, the game utilises Rockstar's Advanced Game Engine (RAGE), an engine they introduced in their previous title Table Tennis, so now game characters look a little more realistic and don't suffer from the same problem skin conditions that plagued the previous games. NaturalMotion's advanced Euphoria system works as a physics engine, which is a welcome change to the tired ragdoll physics universally used in most other videogames, so game characters now have a skeletal structure making up their frame: From skulls to ribcages, and hips to toes!

Niko discovers, upon his arrival, that his cousin Roman has not been entirely truthful. The mansion, the fast cars, the riches - they're not quite there yet. To that end, unlike its predecessor GTA San Andreas, where the player could amass an empire built of cash, mansions, and even casinos, Rockstar have described this as not so much a rags to riches story, but more "rags to slightly better rags".

The level of immersion on offer seems deeper and richer than any other videogame experience.
Aside from the having the usual access to an entire city, and a range of vehicles to get around town in, players now have additional access to the games own version of the internet, replete with about one hundred different websites. It's not yet known how diverse these sites are, but I expect Niko would probably have more luck searching for online dating than he would if he were to search for something less obvious like consultant public relations, or maybe something on skin tag removal. Players can also visit comedy clubs, a funfair, and landmarks based on real locations in New York, like Middle Park (a take on Central Park), and Star Junction (based on Times Square).

And now you and up to 16 friends can all meet up online and go on a rampage through Liberty City, playing many different gametypes. Alternatively, if you just wanted to hang out and chat at a local coffeepoint, that is also an option. It would seem there's something for everyone, so why not pay a visit to Liberty City when it's released worldwide on the 29th April for the Xbox 360 and the PS3.

2007-12-31T09:37:00.000-08:00

Mince Pies

Christmas. It does not feel Christmassy. Maybe due to the fact that our household has not put up any decorations, yet. Or maybe as I am feeling too cynical about the whole season known as Christmas. But one thing that does get me in the Xmas mood are mince pies. No matter how pre-packaged or how home made they come, everyone loves mince pies. Generous relatives who can actually make them, shops that spit them from a factory or even a bakery that is in the festive spirit.

Of course today was the occasion of the first (two) mince pie(s) of the season and my, it tasted wonderful.

Ho, ho, yum!

The mince pie is a tradition that I absolutely love. And I think anyone who has experienced the British climate in and around December would have to agree. There is nothing more fulfilling that a gently warmed mince pie sinking to the bottom of your stomach topped with cream, caramel or custard. Mmm. Or how about all three for the cholesterol bursting finale of pure joy.

The tastes within the pie itself is a wonder to the palette. Although not very sophisticated, the fact that they are only served once a year makes the mince pie such a sensual dish - an appropriate word for the tastes and textures that hits the tongue.

So enjoy your first mince pies of the Festive Season. Remember that it is good to sin if you are on a diet or going to going to splash out on some Liposuction. After all, with the winds picking up and the nights now filled with frost, that extra layer of ‘cuddle’ is not just comforting for the self but also a vital piece of survival. Well, that’s the way I like to look at it. Enjoy the little delicate pieces of ‘mincemeat’ that fall from the pies as you gobble them up on your way to work. Remember that in a month's time it is back to boring old muffins and croissants. And finally, enjoy the whole aura surrounding the mince pie. For after all, Christmas comes but once a year...

2007-11-23T02:57:00.000-08:00

The Pomegranate

The pomegranate. A delicious fruit that now has hit the shelves as a fashionable drink with health benefits galore. Now in the supermarkets, the pomegranate has become the elixir of youth, an expensive and exotic delicacy waiting to be desired. Something as rare as the Lychee and with the miracles that can be associated with Papaya.

I love my pomegranates, but just how this fruit has achieved this status is beyond me. The Pomegranate has had a long and history, even having a Tudor ship named after its deliciousness. But over the ages, other fruits more exotic has surpassed it. The Banana, the Orange and even the Avocado have seemingly become normal fare, although their origins are much further away than that of the humble pomegranate. In fact, the pomegranate, despite its existence in British cuisine for far longer than these other fruits, is considered amongst the more unusual fruits to now grace our shelves. The pomegranate is considered rare, and hence is now expensive.

Oh, how easily we are conned. In fact, any regular visitor to a market stall or an ethnic food shop is quite acquainted with the pomegranate. Usually selling at 20-25p each, it is a cheap fruit that can be nibbled with your apples and pears. Personally, I love the pomegranate, but there is a lot of bemusement to be had when I see it being espoused for its miracle benefits. Like all fruit, it is good for you, and like all fruit it is very tasty.

And remember, the pomegranate is grown in the Mediterranean, just like the Orange. Other fruits such as Bananas come from much further afield and so should be the more expensive fruit. As I crack open my pomegranate and nibble away at the juicy interior, a sticky grin comes to my lips as I think of how others view the difficulty of eating this wonderful fruit.

2007-11-11T07:10:00.000-08:00

Through the eyes of a market trader

A market is often a place to watch the world go by and to go hunt for a bargain as well as being a setting where you could find many objects that you would not often get elsewhere. Once beyond the confines of Portobello and Camden, there are bargains to be had and joys to behold. However, as a part-time market trader, my views on the markets are very different from that of the customer.

Set up early in the morning, long before the sun rises in order to secure a spot. Get out your stall and watch the mist condense on your goods. One thing that often worries a trader are their neighbours. It is the one thing that every trader is wary of early in the morning. Let us take an ordinary market on the outskirts of West London. I was joined by an elderly Sikh gentleman who has been trading for many years. Everything on his stall for a pound and still, people badger him for bargains. To my right, a quiet man with a scar who sold designer handbags at prices to make your eyes pop out.

Opposite myself was where the life of the market place was unfolding. There was a large stall selling men’s fashion, guarded and guided by two elderly Kashmiri gentlemen. To the left of them was a stall selling Islamic literature and DVD’s. To wideboys from ‘South of the River’ were selling rap-orientated clothing next to them.

At first, everyone was sizing each other up. After all, these are potential competitors. But as the day goes on, and everyone starts trading, we all realise one thing - the customer is fickle and it is them against us. By the end of the day, as the stalls are packed up and we grumble about our losses, handshakes are exchanged, a few smiles are there on the faces of the lucky ones and everyone leaves as friends.

Until the next market day.

2007-11-08T01:00:00.000-08:00

Modern music really is garbage.

I know that I am getting old. One of the things that registers as increasing age, along with grouchiness and indigestion is annoyance to modern music.

But come on, it really is awful Is there anything good being produced nowadays. Why, this morning I was driving along and switched on the radio. What did I hear? Some lady whining ‘Gimmie-gimmie’ while on another station some man was screaming ‘She’s so lovely, she’s so lovely’. Ugh, time to drive in silence. Did these record executives actually green-light these musicians? Did the radio executives actually listen to their playlists before broadcasting? I am sure that in the UK, subliminal messaging is illegal...

Yes, maybe it is my age that stops my appreciation of these modern beats. But my own personal backlash started around ten years ago with the rise of the boy and girl bands. There’s always been a certain amount of the ‘manufactured’ in modern music. But in the 1990’s, the record companies began thinking of the quick buck a little bit too quickly. Suddenly there were musicians popping up without any talent but were willing to be paraded in front of MTV with a smile and hello to their teenage fans.

Now we are nearly ten years through the first decade of the 21st Century, we are already rehashing ideas from the 1990’s. This is when the penny really dropped. All originality has been squeezed out of the music industry. Acts that are barely ten years are carted out with concerts and tours as well as far too much air play over the airwaves. And the shocking thing is that these artists sell out. Who exactly is buying the merchandise.

The really sad thing about all of this pulp is that there is so much talent out there. Any bar or club in London hosts original music everyday of the week. There is also so much original music online from unsigned artists.

The one thing is that I am not alone in this backlash. The sales of record companies are falling and piracy is not alone to blame for this. Maybe it is due to the fact that others, like myself are also getting smart to the rip-off known as pop.

2007-11-07T05:22:00.000-08:00

Nano-Nano

It’s that time of year again. Today thousands of writers are sharpening their pencils and cleaning their desktop as the annual fiction writing marathon known as Nanowrimo (Nano for short) crosses the starting line. Can you write 50,000 words of a novel in a month, the month of November to be exact? That’s the challenge posed by Chris Baty and his crew, and there are writers all over the world who think they can. From all corners of the earth, there’s a common bond of fiction bringing writers together as they work on their individual projects.

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It doesn’t sound as difficult as it is really. 50,000 words isn’t quite 1500 words a day which isn’t much for a seasoned writer, but where it falls apart is when the plot you’ve decided on doesn’t quite work out the way you thought it would – or your child comes down with flu – or your boss gives you an additional work project needing urgent attention – or ––and the list goes on! Many of the thousands who begin the challenge won’t complete it, but they leave with a feeling of achievement for what they did accomplish and a vow that next year they’ll try again and they will succeed.

This will be my fourth attempt at the Nano challenge, and this time I’m armed with a better plot, a lot more motivation to complete it, and I’ve even got my official Nanowrimo t-shirt to prove I’m taking part. I’ve got a schedule to keep my word count on track, and a cast list to tell me who my characters are and what they look like. Now all I need to do is keep the children healthy, and my work stuff under control, and I’ll be fine – right up to the point where the plot becomes unstuck because of something I hadn’t taken into consideration. When you think about it, it’s a bit like life really!

2007-10-22T04:13:00.000-07:00

A craving...

I harbour a guilty secret. Something which I am ashamed to admit to. And I know better, I should never partake in it. But I cannot resist. The cravings overcome me and no matter how much I try to think of other things, I am drawn to that neon lit sign. The smell that wafts through the air hits my nostrils and sets my mouth salivating, brings evocative images to mind and feelings of joy to my own being.

Do you feel the same way too? Can you resist its allure or do you give in and find yourself inundated with pangs of hunger whenever you pass-by. And it does not occur everyday, but once in a while, you feel it. The feeling of resistance is one of futility. No matter how much you try, that craving suddenly hits, and no amount of distractions or anything else can stop you from entering the fluorescent lit store and ordering - junk food.

For me, the cravings were particularly bad when I used to work the night shifts. Suddenly and without warning I would pass a burger king and just salivate over the thought of a Melted Double Cheeseburger. Or who can resist the Hot Wings from Dixie Fried Chicken. And there is nothing like the taste of a greasy Donner Kebab gently sinking down to the bottom of my stomach, lubricated with masses of chilli sauce. Being an ex-employee of McDonalds, I am more immune to the offerings of that particular chain. And this is not an everyday thing I am talking about, but once in a while, I am just carried away by the need for something bad.

And now, as a self-employed man? Well, my working patterns are now mainly in the early hours of the morning and so I can no longer be enticed by the wafting smell of late night chicken bars. Instead, I now have a new craving. The fry-up!

2007-10-20T12:33:00.000-07:00

What’s with this Obsession with Celebrities?

Are people living such miserable lives these days that they find themselves waiting with baited breath to hear the next bit of juicy celeb gossip? I don’t get it, I really don’t. So what if Paris went to jail? So what if Prince William takes his girlfriend out for the night? Do we really care if a soap opera actor wears Versace or Wang on the red carpet – and what’s the big deal about the red carpet anyway?

It seems that celebrities have taken fame and made it into a huge business. It’s not even necessary to be talented anymore, all you have to be is the girlfriend of a football star and suddenly you’re a > What’s the chances that the same person would have become these things if they hadn’t been connected with their famous sportsman partner? I’m only guessing here but I’d say the odds would be against it!

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An offshoot of this celebrity obsession has been the rising fame of the paparazzi. Once a group of photographers fighting one another for the best shot at an awards show or movie premiere, now they believe it’s OK to chase women driving their children to school because the women are famous and that’s what the public wants – really? I’m one of the public and I don’t want to see a mother having to put her children in danger for the sake of a non-authorized photo. The only good headlines on this is when we read of a celeb who’s had enough of being harassed by photographers hitting back at a member of the paparazzi, but then the celebrity ends up in legal trouble – am I the only one who sees a twisted logic in this?

Watching the media battle for the most sleazy headline and “ugly” photo of a celebrity I’m reminded of the history lessons where the Romans cheered as people fought in vain for their lives against gladiators and lions. Whilst I firmly believe that many so called “celebrities” are self made people with little talent for anything other than self promotion, I do believe that the obsession with all celebs is getting out of hand. Unfortunately the paparazzi are right when they say that the general public is to blame because if the public didn’t buy the magazines, they wouldn’t chase the celebrities to get the photos to put in the magazines - so I guess the message is “People get your own life!”

The ORIGINAL Black Forest Gateau!

2007-09-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

I love cake.

I don't like cake.

I LOVE cake! It is one of the best food substances of the world! There are so many different types and variations, and I love them all equally. Why is this relevent you ask?
Last week in Germany, I made a pilgramage to Triberg to the grandson of the original creator and inventor of the Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte - the Black Forest Gateau. The recepie was taught to the creators son, who passed it on to his son. So it was, through generations untold I met the grandson of the original make of one of the finest cakes to come out of Germany. His name is Claus, and he makes a damn fine cake! He still has the original parchment on which the recipie was written, and runs a cafe near the black forest where you can purchase his fine wares at a minimal price.
I found the cake, and it was good.

I also as a bonus, was SO excited by the cake, Claus made a short video with me. At the beginning he is saying something like "who are these lovely crazy people who have come to taste my black forest gateau?" ... then we all express our love for the cake! Click above! I had so much infact, I think I might need some smart lipo now I've come back!

2007-06-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

Getting an expense account

The expense account is a wonderful yet dangerous thing! You want to use it, I mean that is what it’s there for, yet to take the piss with it is to invite destruction of the most complete kind! So how do you find the line? I know some people who will forge receipts, spend huge amounts on dinners and claim that it was a client who drunk himself into sillyness, and almost outright steel by pocketing most of the money directly claiming it as allowable expensis. At the other end I know people who not only are completely straight up, but don’t spend the money on those things it’s actually meant for! They use their own money instead either out of fear of reprisal, or because they don’t feel they deserve to have things paid for onm their behalf by the company.

Ultimately I think there is a middle ground. The money is there to be spent, and that is the only thing that money is useful for – spending. You can’t eat it, you can’t plant it, so you should spend it. However, I’m not sure that those who really do take the Mickey will last long. I guess I’ll find out soon enough!

2007-06-21T04:47:00.000-07:00

Burning The House Down!

So I’m in hotel room. In an effort to save money I borrowed a small camping type stove from a friend. Now understand, this is a bit of a semi holiday weekend for me as well, so the cooker was mostly about being able to cook up outside and the like. You know, in parks and outside in the sun and stuff. Just two days ago being able to have a cooked lunch on a small island in the middle of a lake was just excellent! Anyhow, I wasn’t too careful about positioning the pan and stove, and I forgot that mushrooms emit a sightless smoke when the lighting isn’t direct... Half way through heating my tinned spaghetti (Hinez I might add!) I get a knock on the door. “Just a minute while I get some trousers on!” I shout as I turn everything off. It’s the duty manager looking in a bit of an emotional state asking if I’ve got something smoking in the room... I tell her straight out that I’m cooking. She tells me that the fire alarms are about to go off... That is when the fire alarms go off! The entire building is evacuated, guests and staff alike, I try and apologise and explain but get told to go to the fire meet point and “I’ll speak to you afterwards”. I felt like a school kid being told that the head master wanted to see me to tell me off after school. Oh man... And that’s when the first fire engine turned up, sirens wailing. I say first because it was closely followed by a second. I’ve got to give it to the fire services for their prompt arrival. I was a little disappointed as it was at least a minute more before the fire support vehicle showed up, but hey who’s splitting hairs eh?

Anyhow, when it was all over (I heard a women explain that she had to run out of the shower) I had to ‘go and see the duty manager’ I think her name was Christine. She was very annoyed, and I did the only thing I could in that situation which was to eat a lot of pie (humble). I apologised profusely – I think I even used the words “I want to apologise profusely”. Anyhow, she’s confiscated the stove and stuff for the moment as part of the agreement to let me stay here for the rest of the week.

The moral of the story? That’s one of the problems. I can’t seem to figure the moral out, which is what truly worries me. See, most people make mistakes and then learn from them, and perhaps most people would say the learning here is that you really should never NEVER use a stove inside a hotel room. What I take from this is that if you’re going to use a stove, next time use it actually on the window ledge itself so that there is no chance of setting of the alarms.

Is that wrong?

Lyn asked if its possible to improve the cosmetic surgery for men page.
ARGH!!! One of these days I'm going to... Never mind, same old thing day in day out, yeah!?

2007-05-25T03:02:00.000-07:00

Changes

I've been listening to counting crows as a band for well over a decade now, and I still like their music, I really do. It's changed alot, but I like the new work for different reasons to why I like their old songs. More than that, I think I've changed. Even their really old stuff, I listen to with different ears and so I hear different things in their music. I read a different message, get a different feeling, remember diferent memories, am inspired to different daydreams.

Try it, go back and listen to some music you haven't listen to in a long time, but really listen. It'll help you see not just the change in their music, but help you guage the changes within yourself.

Our company has offered us discounts on any non-surgical treatments that we have in the next 6

months with this 'make me beautiful' style clinic in our area. Abbie says her mum might be interested! I don't want to know.

2007-01-15T05:59:00.000-08:00

Mr Potato is here, and with the help of his friends he's going to tell you exzctly what he thinks on... gosh thats sounds all official and salesy doesn't it?Well I'm going to use this to vent my opinions on anything I want to - and there is nothing you can do about it! Oh, except for not reading my blog... please read my blog?