Those two words have the capacity to strike fear in to even the most hardened filmgoer’s heart. Forget the nastiest horror films, slow motion is more sinister by a mile. Personally I despise it. I’d rather watch Gone With The Wind on repeat for the rest of my life than be subjected to another appalling piece of slow motion committed to film.
I thought I was safe. I thought it could only get me while I was at the cinema or upon accidentally putting the wrong DVD in to the player. But the people behind this awful slow motion conspiracy are clever. They know that slow motion, if it is to eventually succeed as the most annoying visual thing ever, needs to get in to our daily lives. Cue Masterchef. That’s right, it’s made it on to every day TV. Not only every day TV but popular TV. There truly is no escape–
What do I have against slow motion you ask? Now I’d like to ask you a question: how long have you got? I could list a hundred reasons but we’d be here all day. Instead I shall state just one: It drags out moments of happiness / sadness, thus multiplying the effect by ten. What’s more you get far too long to look at the actor / actress, or, in the case of Masterchef, the annoyingly elated person who has just won the round. And while you do so you end up thinking all kinds of things, such as she could really do with some mole removal. Which is something nobody wants to think about...
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